12-14-12

There really are no words for the horrific tragedy that happened yesterday in Sandy Hook, Connecticut, a beautiful, close-knit community two towns over from ours. 

As news began to seep into our school yesterday, teachers and administrators tried to find confirmed information, hoping that our worst fears would not be met.  My prep period was in the morning.  I spent it frantically searching the Internet and making phone calls to friends who could shed light on the ‘unconfirmed reports’ that were flying around. 

What started out as one dead gunman and one adult shot in the foot, shot to 27 dead, including 18 children.   A fellow teacher came into my classroom, which was filled with 11-year olds writing poetry. She was the one who delivered the news of the escalated count of those who died, confirmed by an official in Danbury.  I held her hand and we tried our hardest to hold back our tears. 

I do not know how I taught the last three periods of the day.  We are culminating a fun, light poetry unit with a celebration planned next week with parents.  The poems they shared today were recipe poems.  They were so proud as they shared them with the class, practicing their oral speaking skills.  The writing was so light and cute.  I held back my emotions as I listened to their innocence, which would be compromised when they got home and heard the news from their families.   

I had flashbacks of September 11, 2001.  When our principal delivered that numbing news to me shortly after 9:00, I was in my fifth grade classroom.  I had over twenty 10-year olds in my room for the whole day.  I was told to carry on and not tell the kids.  Not tell them what?  I could hardly grasp the concept myself.  That day I, as well as the world, tried to access the Internet, to try to comprehend what was happening.

Several teachers in our school live in Newtown.  One had children in Sandy Hook Elementary School.  The physical therapist that skillfully and wonderfully cared for me for three weeks after my knee replacement this past spring had her children in that school too.  Thankfully they were not among the fallen angels, but their lives will never be the same.  Neither will the lives of any of the children who were in that school yesterday.

The principal and other teachers and administrators who fell yesterday are among our heroes.  When you work with children and a disaster happens, you protect them before yourself.  That is our job and also our instinct.  Our professional community and the community at large mourn for their loss just as deeply. 

Our school happened to have had a lock down drill earlier this week.  Although this drill is no longer new to the children, it is still a little scary for them.  I scooped up an older student out of the hallway before locking my door.  As they sat silently on the floor in the corner of my room, I whispered to reassure them that it was a practice drill.  I had no knowledge of the drill, which is truly a drill for us as well, but I knew from our training that it was a drill. 

Afterwards, one student asked why we have the drills.  When they are younger one explanation is that if a wild animal accidentally got into the building, we would want to keep everyone safe.  As we all absorbed the dark news incessantly yesterday in disbelief, one innocent child said the same thing.  He thought a wild animal maybe got into his school; how right he was.   As the children grow older and hear more news, they are introduced to worse possibilities. 

Our school went into a modified lock-down yesterday, as did many of the communities near Newtown, until it was deemed all the perpetrators were apprehended.  Our building was locked, and no children went outside for recess.  In addition, a police officer was present in our building.  But I still felt better with my classroom door closed. 

The numbness is still with us all today.  As we grieve with our friends and neighbors, our coworkers and our families, let us all keep the little fallen angels and their families and friends in our thoughts and prayers.  Let us keep their six heroes in a special place in our hearts too. Nothing I write here can come close to the words needed for their comfort because this atrocity is beyond words.  Our hearts join in collective grief.