Dealing with Grief

I saw several people this week who were dealing with some form of grief or sorrow.  This got me thinking about grief in general and the overlapping universal aspects of it.

We all have times in our lives when bad things happen.  We deal with these events in our own time and in our own way.  But the important thing is that they are dealt with.  Burying our head in the sand or being in denial does not accomplish anything; as a matter of fact, it makes matters worse.  Being in denial can cause a loss of stability and reality, which can alter who we are.

Let’s start with death.  Death is one of the hardest losses to deal with because it is permanent.  Sometimes the death is sudden; other times it is painfully drawn out.  Sometimes you wish you had been more in touch with the person while other times you are grateful you had been there every step of the way.  The grieving process is so very individual.  Some people do nothing but cry while others put forth a strong front in public and cry in private.  Others may act in ways that seem inappropriate, like laughing.  Lashing out at others or placing blame are other emotions that can rear their faces during times of heartache.   Sometimes guilt plays a role in the way people react.  Mourning is an integral part of the acceptance of death.  Although there is no given ‘time limit’ about how long a person needs to grieve, accepting the death is healthy and will help you move from the grieving stage to the memories stage. 

Divorce signals the end of a marriage, a union whose intentions were to last forever.  Divorce rates are at an all-time high in the U.S.  If you are going through a divorce, or have gone through one, you know that grief is part of the process, especially if you were not the partner who initiated the split.  There are so many emotions that can be associated with a divorce and most of them are negative like failure, shame, sadness, regret, remorse, or anger, to name but a few.  Allow yourself to have these feelings.  Let your emotions out by talking to someone about what is going on.  Perhaps they can help you put some things in perspective.  Although the loss of a spouse or long time partner can be devastating, your life will move on.  It may not seem like it now, but that is why you need to grieve the loss of the relationship, get whatever help or assistance you need, and then continue your life.  There is a next phase, but you need to leave the first phase to get there.

Although death and divorce are final, people can be saddened from other losses too.  Ending a long time friendship can take its toll, especially if the friendship was a very important part of your life.   Likewise, dealing with being released from a job is another type of loss that can strongly affect people.  For someone who has held the same job or worked for the same company for a long time, adjusting to life after that job can be difficult, especially if the termination was not your doing. It is fitting and appropriate that all types of losses go through the grieving phase.  But luckily there are many roads to travel for employment and sometimes early termination from your job ends up being an opportunity for a positive change in your life.

Serious health issues you or a loved one encounter can be traumatic and affect your life in a variety of ways.  Understanding the issue, getting the help needed, dealing with your options, and having support are all necessary parts of getting a handle on the problem.  Your life may change.  You may have feelings of anger, sadness, or fear.  All of this is normal and expected.   Some amount of grieving is part of the process too.  It is a necessary part of accepting the changes that are happening.

Any loss can bring on pain and suffering.  Accepting what has happened is critical to moving forward to the next phase in your life’s journey.  Remember all those around you who need you to be strong, healthy, and stable. 

Grieve…accept…love…live.

There is a next phase to your life.