Smartphones - Should I Upgrade?

You may be surprised to hear that even though I have a Masters in Instructional Technology, I still use a flip phone.  I am eligible for an upgrade with Verizon Wireless, but this time neither of our sons needs to use it.  So, the question is whether or not I should finally upgrade to a Smartphone.  I am the only one in our house who does not use one.

While some of you may think it a no-brainer that I should…let me present some facts.  When I go to work, my school does not get cell service, so I would not be able to use it at work.  When I come home, which is just a 7-minute ride, I have my home phone and computer, so I wouldn’t use a cell phone to make calls or check email.  I use my cell phone on weekends and days off.  When I need to make a call, I turn it on.  Then, most of the time I turn it back off, although sometimes it stays on for the day while I am out.  So why should I pay an extra… $30 plus $10 for insurance, plus texting and taxes…$50 or so a month for something that I don’t need and might hardly use?

I like using my MacBook Air at home for all my Internet needs. I am thoroughly connected at home, reliably checking email throughout the day.  Not only that, but my sons can attest to my obsession with Spider Solitaire.  What I am afraid of is being sucked in to using and being attached to yet another piece of technology.  Apps, games, maps, texts…the list goes on and on.  I see people of all ages around me constantly on their Smartphones, even while in the company of others.  Are we becoming addicted to them to the point of rudeness?  Does your friend really need to get the answer now as to what day you want to meet for lunch?   Couldn’t it wait until after you are out of the company of others to check your text messages?  I don’t want to become ‘that person’.  Instead of making idle conversation with a stranger in a waiting situation, I don't want to be staring down at a 4-inch screen zapping angry birds.

I certainly understand why so many people have Smartphones. When I travel in the car with my husband, I witness how his i-Phone allows him to stay connected to work, providing immediate answers to important questions.  We use the map feature for checking traffic and also to help with directions that we didn’t get before leaving home.  He has a music collection stored on it that is way more comprehensive than the CDs that are housed in my car.  Beyond that, we really don’t need to use the i-Phone in the car, yet I find myself checking my e-mail and Facebook accounts when I would otherwise not have even thought or cared to.  I won’t even begin to pretend to understand how important our sons’ i-Phones are to their daily lives.  They store their calendars, music, contact information, and other important ‘stuff’ in their phones, while texting and talking their way through their day.  They are connected 24/7.

If I get a Smartphone, would I get sucked in to becoming a constant user or will it find its way to the nightstand like my Kindle has?  (There is something about holding a book...)  Would I start using the Smartphone at home instead of my landline even though it is not as comfortable to talk with?  Or would it sit in my purse most of the day, unused?  I seem to have a love-hate relationship with these new devices.  I love their abilities, yet I also like how things were in the good old days, independent of electrically having to charge devices to be able to get through a day.

So what should I do? 

Finding a Bear

It is hard work trying to see a bear in the wild.  My husband and I have been fortunate enough to see a good number of black bears and grizzlies but not without working at it.  I love seeing and photographing them in their natural environment.  Bears are normally shy animals that have very little interest in interacting with humans. Unless they are forced to be around humans to be near a food source, they usually choose to avoid us.  Here are some of my tips for seeing a bear in the wild, based on my experience.

Location, location, location!  First of all, you obviously need to go where the bears are.  National parks that boast a bear population are your best bet.  Yellowstone (WY), Grand Teton (WY), Glacier (MT), Banff (Alberta), and Jasper (Alberta) are parks where I have had luck.  Although both black and grizzlies are found in these parks, you are more likely to see a black bear since grizzlies generally stay in more remote places. That said, we still have had luck seeing them.

Timing is everything.  If you have ever been to a zoo, you know that mammals don’t entertain you much during the day; more often than not, they sleep.  They are most active at sunrise and sunset, when the zoo is closed.  Well, those same mammals have the same patterns outside of the zoo.  In addition, bears have become more nocturnal in order to avoid people in areas of high human traffic. If you want to see the bears, you need to wake up early…very early…even if you are on vacation.  We often woke up at 5:30 am to be out and about by 6:00 am looking for bear action.  The other good time to see bears is at dusk, when they are also active.

Patience is a virtue.  It is also a large part of seeing animals in the wild.  You need to be willing to sit and wait quietly, for a long time, over and over again.  Many times you will end up with no sightings, but you can’t give up.  You need to be persistent.

Proper preparation makes the wait more comfortable.  Having your ‘to-go’ cup of coffee, something to nibble on, and your camera in your lap is good planning. Make sure you have used the bathroom before your outing, which can be a few hours long.  Be dressed for the weather, especially if it is chilly.  The more comfortable you are, the more the waiting doesn’t seem to be so bad.

One morning in Jasper National Park back in 1989, we heard a woman in the gift shop of our lodge talk excitedly about seeing a black bear and her two cubs.  She told us where she saw them, two miles down Maligne Lake Road.  The reason I remember the name of the road is not because I have a fabulous memory; but rather it was written on the slides we took.  The next morning, we set our alarm early and by 5:30 am we were driving down that road, carefully watching the odometer as well as scanning the woods on both sides of the road.  Sure enough, after 1.7 miles, we spotted a black bear about 20 feet from the left side of the road.  We were lucky this time that our tip paid off.  Many times it doesn't.  (See patience above.)  We pulled off to the right and shut the engine.  Then we didn’t move or make any noises for at least 15 minutes.  We wanted the bear to see that we were not a threat.  We did not move or make any noise.  Shortly after our arrival, the mother bear went about her business of eating.  Her two cubs were not far from her.  

Now I know I said preparation was part of the process, but for some reason we had our cameras and tripods in the trunk of the rental car.   After 15 minutes, we decided we could slowly and quietly make our way out of the car, go to the trunk, and set up our equipment on the far side of the car (away from the bears).  We got some nice shots of the mother and cubs starting at 6:00 am.  We were there for over an hour when a pick up truck drove by.

If you have ever been to a national park, you know that when you see a car pulled over to the side of the road, it usually means a wild animal sighting.  Other cars stop and try to see what you have spotted.  The pick up truck pulled over on the left side of the road, the side where the bears were. Two men noisily and immediately got out of the truck, slammed their doors shut, and began walking towards the bears with their little instamatic cameras.  Can you predict what happened next?

There we were, patient and quiet for almost two hours, enjoying our planned experience, and then they came along and were going to ruin everything.  The upside was the great photos I would get for their stupidity.  Sure enough, the mother bear stood on her hind legs, which is not necessarily an aggressive act, but more a sign of curiosity.  New situations or sounds frighten bears and this allows the bear an opportunity to get more information using its senses of smell, hearing, and sight.  The men, however, immediately ran back to their truck when they saw her stand, started the engine, and sped off.  They were not present for more than two minutes, but that was enough time for mama bear to decide it was time to move on.  Our morning photo session had come to an end.

Mamma bear checking out the two noisy men

Before retreating back into the woods

I have many other stories of photographing large mammals, which I will save for another day.  These photos speak for themselves.  It was a great morning and well worth the sleep deprivation.  Spotting and photographing a bear in a national park is always considered the ‘prize’, but also capturing cubs and a bear standing, was the grand prize for us.

(If you haven’t read my blog about my encounter with the bison on the 

Blackfeet Indian Reservation in Montana, you can check it out here.)

Haggling and Bartering

Being in a haggling situation can be challenging, intimidating, competitive, scary, or fun…it just depends on your personality and the personality of the person you are bartering with. First of all, you need to know where it is appropriate to haggle.  If you are in a store with closed walls and a door, you do not haggle.  Their prices are their prices.  But if the goods for sale are outside in an open-air area, haggling is generally acceptable and expected. 

Most of the haggling I have done was overseas, but it can certainly be done here in the U. S. The first time I was in a situation to haggle, I didn’t.  I was in Florence and thought 10 euros for a beautiful scarf was reasonable and I gladly paid it.  But when my mother got the same scarf for 5 euros with a little haggling on my father’s part, I began to learn to how to survive in the world of haggling.  There are so many strategies to use when haggling.  Here are a few.

1.     Offer half the price – This is generally a good starting point.  The seller generally prices merchandise high, expecting to barter.  Our tour guide in Europe gave us the guideline of starting with half the asking price and going from there. 

2.     Do NOT show how much you really want something – If the seller knows you want his item, he is less likely to come down much in price, knowing you will buy it anyway.  Act like you want a different color or size that he doesn’t have and that you would have to ‘settle’ for the one he has.  He may come down in price more to ‘convince’ you that the one he has would make you happy.

3.     Be prepared to walk away  - And do it…convincingly.  Leave and walk away at a good pace so he knows you made up your mind not to buy it.  Nine times out of ten the seller will come after you once you are a distance away.  For that one time he doesn’t, you can always circle around, go back, and pay what he wanted.  So you have nothing to lose by trying the walk away tactic.

The first time we were in Europe with our sons, we were at the San Lorenzo market in Florence.  We had gone over these strategies with our boys and they were set lose to try their hand at bartering.  Our younger son, who was 12 at the time, haggled someone down from 5 euros to 4 for a wallet.  You thought he won the lottery with how happy he was, but when you think about it, it was a 20% savings.  It was a job well done for the first time out.

A few years later, when I was on a student tour in the same city of Florence, I was looking for one of the many gypsy women who roam the streets and sell those scarves.  The afternoon wore on with our activities and visits, and time was running out.  I could not find one of them.  We were all gathered and walking towards where our bus had parked, which was away from the center of Florence.  Suddenly, I spotted one of the women.  I grabbed a 20 euro bill from my wallet and ran over to her.  I came upon her so quickly that I startled her.  I was pretty aggressive and showed her the 20 euro bill.  Then I had her attention for sure.  I rapidly selected four or five scarves, I really don’t remember which number it was, handed her the bill, then caught up to the end of the line of students.  I don’t know if she knew what hit her, but I got a great deal and left Florence with my shopping list completed.

You can also barter services for goods or services for services.  In the past, I have done this.  I created and maintained the website for two businesses in exchange for private pitching lessons for my son.  Years ago, that is how people survived; exchanging services for services, or goods.

Some people just don’t feel comfortable haggling or bartering, so they pay full price.  That is fine.  But these practices are part of the culture in many places and they can be fun, albeit intimidating.  I would love to hear some of your haggling or bartering stories.

Student Travel

How many of you have traveled overseas?  How old were you when you first went?  I was 21 when I first went abroad.  I studied in London for a semester and traveled throughout Europe during that time.  I was the only one in ‘my group’ of high school and college friends to venture abroad for a chance to travel and see more of the world.  Studying abroad then was not as common as it is today.  Nowadays more students take advantage of this opportunity, and they go to places even farther away than Europe.

Since that first trip to Europe, I have had the travel bug.  In my early twenties, I traveled quite a bit in the United States, taking my first cross-country road trip, moving to California, and exploring all of the west.  After our sons were born, we planned great trips every year to National Parks and other places in the U.S. and Canada.  So when our older son had a chance to participate in a German exchange program in 7^th grade, he was more than excited to try it.  As we could have predicted, he got the travel bug to go to places farther away.  He repeated the exchange two more times in the upcoming years and our younger son participated in it too.  Europe was now front and center on the radar and everyone in our family was looking to go.

Twenty-seven years after I first went to Europe, I planned my return trip that included our family and my parents.  We ventured to Venice and Florence for eight days during a weeklong February vacation.  I planned the whole trip, picking out hotels, travel arrangements and connections.  It was a wonderful experience that we wanted to repeat every year, but how could we?  The ball was rolling down the hill so fast we couldn’t stop it. 

As a teacher, I often thought of running trips abroad to give students the experience of traveling with their peers.   It seemed that the time had come to give it a try.  After much research and consideration, I chose EF Education First.  They have been in business for almost 50 years and have offices in more than 50 countries.  They are professional, extremely knowledgeable, and plan fun, safe trips for students at the most affordable price.  After comparing their price with three other companies, I chose EF hands down.  They even offer first time ‘group leaders’, my title with them, a free trip to Paris for a four-day weekend to experience an EF trip, participate in a class to learn how to run successful trips, and meet other new and experienced group leaders and employees with EF.  They basically trusted that their expense to bring me there would pay off in the end because I would be sold on their company and run trips in the future.  They were right. 

The Parthenon in Athens

I have successfully run four student trips to Europe so far.  We have gone to Italy, Greece, Turkey, France, Spain, Portugal, Morocco, The Netherlands, and England.  I am currently planning my fifth trip for next summer (2013) to Germany, Austria, Czechoslovakia, and Hungary.  Our older son chose two of the four trips to participate in and our younger son has done all four.  If you have teenagers, you know that family vacations can be bittersweet; the kids want to go away, yet want to be with their friends too.  Enter educational student trips.  They provide educational experiences of traveling for students of similar ages.  They plan their itinerary, pace, and experiences around what kids would enjoy.  There is always some free time too, where the kids can take a swim, shop, explore, or just take a nap.

Pisa, Italy

The students that have traveled on my trips have had wonderful experiences in so many ways.  Some signed up with a friend; others knew no one who was going.  I always hold several meetings prior to the trip so that the kids can get a chance to know each other and be comfortable with the kids they are traveling with.  During the trip, they enjoy experiencing places together that even museums and cathedrals are fun places to be.  For many students, that same trip to the museum or the cathedral would not have been as much fun with their parents (no offense intended here).  When they see other kids getting into it, taking photos, stopping to read plaques, asking the tour guide questions, it gives them permission to do the same.  If you haven’t read my blog on Confessions in Europe, please do.  It strongly brings this point to light. In addition, the students have an opportunity to meet students from other states.  To fill the tour bus, our group of 15 or 20 will combine with other student groups to fill the tour.  Before long, not only have they made new friends from their town, but also friends from other states.  Emails and tears are often exchanged during the good-byes at the end of the tour.

Free time in Morocco, riding a camel

So why is student travel so important?  Let’s back up to the first trip our older son took to Germany after 7^th grade to live with a German family.  He had the chance to experience being in a country where people spoke a different language than he did, visited new sites, learned about the culture, and experienced this from the point of view of his exchange student, who was his age.  Other kids, not his parents, were telling him how cool something was, or showing him a new place.  He came home after two weeks with a different outlook on life.  His eyes were opened up to the fact that people of other cultures sometimes saw and did everyday things the same as he did, but other times they did them differently.   Our way was not the right way; and that was the most important lesson to be learned.  Our country may be big, powerful, and wonderful, but we are not the center of the universe.  His interest in other cultures and languages shaped who he is today, a graduate with a linguistics degree.  At the ripe old age of 24, he has traveled to Europe 7 times, technically been to Asia (Turkey) and Africa (Morocco) and is planning his second trip to South America this summer.  He lives in Canada and has permanent residency there, after attending college in Montreal for four years.  He also has dual citizenship with Italy.  All these aspects of his life that shaped who he is today were affected by the travel that he did when he was younger.  Our younger son, no travel-slouch either, is a regular visitor to Canada, is planning his 7^th trip to Europe this summer as well as his first trip to South America.  He holds a dual citizenship with Italy too.  Lest you think we are overly wealthy, we are not.  Our boys have always contributed to the expenses of their travels. 

The Rock of Gibraltar

I know this blog is a little long because it talks about my strong belief in student travel, its affect on our own children, and the tour company I use to provide opportunities for other students.  My student trips to Europe are always during the summers during my free time.  If you are interested in next year’s trip for your child, let me know.  In the meantime, I wish you all happy travels wherever you venture this year.  Buon viaggio!

Here are a few group shots from my previous tours with EF. 

They speak for themselves how much fun the students had.

Meeting a Barbary Ape in Gibraltar

Airport in Athens

With Aldo our bus driver

The Amalfi Coast

Having fun in Amsterdam

Free time at a beach in Athens

Free time in Italy

Tour of a bullring in Sevilla

Il Castello in Rome

Lisbon, Portugal

Always time for gelato in Italy

Pompeii with Mt. Venuius in the background

Outside the metro in Amsterdam

Meeting time at the Pantheon in Rome

With our tour guide in Kusadasi, Turkey

A tiny bit of relaxation time for the chaperones!

 Tower Bridge, London

Free time to a Flea Market in Paris

Plaza Mayor, Madrid, Spain

Free time snorkeling, Greece

Riding the London Eye

College Debt

In my opinion, there is something very wrong with graduating college with a debt in the upper five to six-figure range. While it is true that there are many options to choose less expensive schools to attend, there is an ever increasing number of schools hitting and exceeding that $50,000 per year mark for tuition, room, and board.  Regardless of the cost of the college you choose, very often there are loans to pay off afterwards. One should think long and hard before spending over $200,000 for a 4-year college education.

Once a student has narrowed down the list of potential colleges he is interested in attending, the first thing to consider of course is if he will get in.  When he does, sometimes he is so overcome with pride that he got in to this ‘fabulous’ school, that he might not really look deeply into if he can really afford it.  Some students are fortunate enough to have financial help from parents; others work, take out loans, or do a combination of the aforementioned. 

So let’s say that a student really wants/needs/desires to attend one of the $50,000 per year schools.  They have no financial support from parents, so they work part-time and take out loans.  Maybe they qualify for some reduced rate, scholarship, or grant.  But when all is said and done, they graduate with $75,000 - $100,000 in debt.   Now what?

Well, in this economy, there is no guarantee of a job in your field.  Actually, there is no guarantee of a job in any field.  If you are lucky enough to land a job, it is highly unlikely that it will pay enough to cover your rent, living expenses, and still have enough left over to begin chipping away at that huge tumor, that seems to grown instead of shrink each year.  You may have to move back home, which is less than ideal for both parties involved.  Although it is okay for a child to live back home for a predetermined amount of time after college while ‘getting on his feet’, that time should be short lived.  After all, our goal as parents is to raise an independent, caring human being.

Why colleges charge the prices they do is a whole other blog topic, but why do students pick a school to attend that they can’t afford?  I don’t live in a house that I can’t afford.  Nor do I drive a car that I can’t comfortably pay for.  I look at the whole picture, and even though I really want a different car, I can’t have it.  I have to settle for one that will get me where I want to go, without the fancy name.  Aren’t colleges like that?  Can’t you get you your 4-year education without the fancy name?  Can’t you still find a job afterwards, get married, have a family and buy a house with a white picket fence?  Can’t you live a happy life without attending that college?  Four years of your life is but a blip on your lifeline but can affect it in a big way.

I’m not saying that all college educations are equal.  What I am saying is that you need to balance what you want with what you can afford.  How sure are you that you need that particular school, and only that particular school, to get the education for your area of interest?  Think ahead four years to what situations you may find yourself in.  Are you willing and able to live at home?  Are you willing to relocate to get a job?  How far away? 

This is all easy for me to say because I have gone through the process and I am a mature adult looking back.  For students approaching this juncture in their lives, a little parental guidance goes a long way.  It is easy to get caught up in the ‘Wow my kid got into (substitute school name here)’ syndrome.  Five years out, no one will remember what school your kid went to, but they will see what he is doing with his life.  But more importantly than what others see is how your kid feels about what he is doing and how strapped he is or is not to a boatload of college loans.  It is not easy to have that kind of debt, especially if you are unemployed and living at home. 

Here are a few questions to ask yourself when you have selected your college:

1)    Why do I want to go to that school?

2)    Can I afford it?

3)    If not, what other schools offer a similar program that I can afford?

4)    How much college debt do I want when I graduate?

5)    Do I want to live at home or on my own when I graduate?

6)    If the answer to #2 was no, why am I still selecting that school when I know I am setting myself up for stressful debt when I graduate?

The ridiculous price increases of college tuition nowadays are limiting some kids’ aspiration of attending the school of their dreams.  I get that.  But the reality is that the prices are what they are, so make your decisions accordingly and wisely.  

Retirement

Retirement is a ten-letter word.  I bet some of you have not given it much thought, and for others, it is all you think about.  Over the years, there were times I thought about retirement and I think it is interesting how I have changed my mind about it through various stages of life. 

Dreaming of retirement may first start in your twenties or thirties.  Responsibilities may begin for you with the start of your first job, purchase of your first house, birth of your first child…and maybe your first meeting with a financial advisor who tells you to plan for the future, even though it seems very far off.  You may plan big.  I did.  My husband and I love Sedona and we decided it was where we wanted to retire, when the time came.  We visited many states and lived on both coasts, understanding the climate pros and cons of both.  Sedona was a far off, scenic, cultural, wonderful place to live during retirement.  The climate is dry and there is only a sprinkling of snow in the winter; not enough to need shoveling.  The fact that it was expensive to live in Sedona didn’t matter.  We were young and had our whole lives ahead of us to figure out how we would get there. 

Now go forward a decade or so into your forties.  You start to get involved in your community, making new friends, volunteering, getting involved in the town to make it a better place.  You know shop owners, have doctors you love, and know where all the best restaurants are.  Your children have their childhood friends here.  Your new friends are now some of your best and dearest friends.  So one day when someone asks you where you are going to retire, you are a little taken back.  ‘Why do I have to leave here?’ you think.  ‘Everyone doesn’t have to GO somewhere else to live in their old age.  Why can’t I stay here where I have friends and know everyone?  I like it here.  I worked hard for this.’

Certainly you don’t have to retire to another town, state, or country.  You can stay right where you are.  But let’s fast forward next to your fifties…

Perhaps your children are now in college, finished college, or even starting families of their own.  Maybe you have experienced the feeling of the empty nest.  Maybe you miss your kids.  Maybe you want to see where they settle down and plan to be somewhere ‘not too far’ from them.  It doesn’t matter so much anymore if you stay in the community where you know everyone and finally have your house exactly how you want it.  Nor does it matter that you live in that fabulous town of Sedona with breathtaking views.  What matters is being near your kids and hopefully one day your grandkids. 

Of course, there are no guarantees.  You can plan your life and your retirement location around where your kids have settled, only to find that they have to move due to a job transfer or for a change that they want to make.  So what do you do now?  You can’t keep following them around the country.  There are no long-term guarantees.

What is the answer?  Do you move or do you stay put?  I don’t know.  I have gone through all these feelings and am currently still in my fifties. We have thought through lots of possibilities.  Luckily, we have time to sort it out.

I would love to hear your thoughts about where you decided to spend your retirement, why, and if there are any regrets or things you wished you knew.  Likewise, I would love to hear your thoughts about where you think you will be for your retirement years and why.  It is a big decision for all of us, kids or no kids.  Lots of stories and experiences are welcome for us all to share. 

Boredom

Boredom is defined as the feeling of being uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence by something tedious.  No doubt we have all felt bored many times in our lives.  Doing the same ol’ same ol’ can be dull.  But let’s dig deeper into the sources, feelings, and degrees of boredom.  I think many people use the word boredom when they really mean something else.  Let’s look at what boredom really is and is not.

There can be many sources of boredom.  Students may say that an assignment (or a teacher for that matter) is boring.  When one digs deeper into what exactly that means, it could mean the assignment is too hard or too easy.  It could also mean that they are not interested in the task (or person) at hand and would like something more interesting or fun.  Sometimes learning is loads and loads of fun, but it can’t always be.  Tests are not fun, nor are writing prompts, research papers, or learning multiplication tables.  I would say grammar is not fun, but I absolutely love grammar and have found strategies, games, and videos to make it fun, so I need to say that grammar can be fun. Regardless, sometimes you have to do the ‘boring’ stuff to be able to advance to the more ‘fun’ stuff.  So are students really bored or just uninterested in the task at hand?  I will admit that there are some boring teachers out there, but often the word boring is over- and incorrectly used in the school setting.

Many people who stress-eat say they do it because they are bored.  Digging deeper, that boredom might really be other emotions surfacing, like being anxious, nervous, troubled, stressed, or uneasy.   Can you really say that you have nothing else to do and that is why you must eat?  Perhaps the real source of your ‘boredom’ is that you are dieting, depriving your body of certain foods and having a craving.  You are probably not really ‘bored’, but putting a label on and providing a reason for your overeating can make it easier to accept that you had a reason why you pigged out…you were bored.  The problem is, overeating is rarely from boredom.

As I am currently recuperating from surgery, I think I can confidently say that the time spent recovering from an illness or accident can be a source of boredom.  If you are truly limited in what you can do and find it difficult to fill the hours of the day with activities, then that might be boredom.  When I first got home after knee surgery, I was on so many medications I could not read.  I could see and decode the words, but I did not have the focus needed to get through a newspaper article, no less a book.  I could not drive, limiting going places.  I could not sit for long periods of time, limiting being out of the house at all.  So, what exactly was there to do?  Daytime television?  Hmmm, have you tried that lately?  Since most of my friends work, I found myself home alone trying to find things to do that I could do to fill the time.   I can’t exercise, except for my rehab exercises, which don’t take very long.  I could watch movies, but that gets old and so do the available choices.  Lacking activities one can do is true boredom.  One of my childhood friends, Annie, recently said I was the busiest person she knew.  That is not a compliment or an insult; just an observation.  And I think I do keep myself busy, probably too busy.  I think this contributed to feeling the boredom even more when I went from having scheduled activities to do from 6:30 am until 9:00 pm every day, to counting the pills in my pillbox to kill time.

My mother spoke recently of eye surgery she had last year.  She could not see out of her eyes for a good week.  When I think I had it bad, I think of her.  She couldn’t even watch the crappy daytime TV or movies!  She couldn’t even look at magazine pictures.  That is true boredom; having nothing you can do.  And by the way, she did not eat when she was bored; reinforcing the fact that rarely do people eat because they are truly bored. 

So what feelings do we generally associate with boredom?  Some that come to mind include lethargic, depressed, non-motivated, tired, and ambivalent.  I am sure you could add to the list.  It is important to remember the true cause of the boredom and not to let yourself get swept away in feelings that can take you under.  Try to find activities that you can do, get involved, call a friend, and ask for help.

In the story of the three little bears, there are degrees of hard chairs, hot porridge, and soft beds.  Likewise, there are degrees of boredom we can experience.  It is not good to have too much or too little boredom in your life, but just the right amount.  That may sound strange, but looking at my situation, I think I have to agree with lots of my friends who tell me I do too much.  I am over-scheduled.  I need to slow down.  Prior to my surgery I had too little boredom in my life.  Translation is that I didn’t have enough time to sit back and say, “So what should I do today?  I have absolutely nothing on the schedule.” We have heard that having balance of most things in life is a good goal, so this should come as no surprise that having the right amount of free and scheduled time in our day/week will result in the right amount of ‘boredom’.

So here I find my self at a crossroad on Route 55, which is really just my age.  I recognize and acknowledge my habit of over scheduling in contrast to my current situation of boredom.  I know I need to shed some of the activities I was involved with.  Even though I will find that hard to do, I will get the help needed to manage a more balanced lifestyle.  It is okay to be bored once in awhile.  Just be sure that when you use the word bored, you really mean bored.  Otherwise you may be masking what is really going on in your life.

Bored?  Tired?  Sad?  Depressed?  Sick?  Ambivalent?

Dealing with Grief

I saw several people this week who were dealing with some form of grief or sorrow.  This got me thinking about grief in general and the overlapping universal aspects of it.

We all have times in our lives when bad things happen.  We deal with these events in our own time and in our own way.  But the important thing is that they are dealt with.  Burying our head in the sand or being in denial does not accomplish anything; as a matter of fact, it makes matters worse.  Being in denial can cause a loss of stability and reality, which can alter who we are.

Let’s start with death.  Death is one of the hardest losses to deal with because it is permanent.  Sometimes the death is sudden; other times it is painfully drawn out.  Sometimes you wish you had been more in touch with the person while other times you are grateful you had been there every step of the way.  The grieving process is so very individual.  Some people do nothing but cry while others put forth a strong front in public and cry in private.  Others may act in ways that seem inappropriate, like laughing.  Lashing out at others or placing blame are other emotions that can rear their faces during times of heartache.   Sometimes guilt plays a role in the way people react.  Mourning is an integral part of the acceptance of death.  Although there is no given ‘time limit’ about how long a person needs to grieve, accepting the death is healthy and will help you move from the grieving stage to the memories stage. 

Divorce signals the end of a marriage, a union whose intentions were to last forever.  Divorce rates are at an all-time high in the U.S.  If you are going through a divorce, or have gone through one, you know that grief is part of the process, especially if you were not the partner who initiated the split.  There are so many emotions that can be associated with a divorce and most of them are negative like failure, shame, sadness, regret, remorse, or anger, to name but a few.  Allow yourself to have these feelings.  Let your emotions out by talking to someone about what is going on.  Perhaps they can help you put some things in perspective.  Although the loss of a spouse or long time partner can be devastating, your life will move on.  It may not seem like it now, but that is why you need to grieve the loss of the relationship, get whatever help or assistance you need, and then continue your life.  There is a next phase, but you need to leave the first phase to get there.

Although death and divorce are final, people can be saddened from other losses too.  Ending a long time friendship can take its toll, especially if the friendship was a very important part of your life.   Likewise, dealing with being released from a job is another type of loss that can strongly affect people.  For someone who has held the same job or worked for the same company for a long time, adjusting to life after that job can be difficult, especially if the termination was not your doing. It is fitting and appropriate that all types of losses go through the grieving phase.  But luckily there are many roads to travel for employment and sometimes early termination from your job ends up being an opportunity for a positive change in your life.

Serious health issues you or a loved one encounter can be traumatic and affect your life in a variety of ways.  Understanding the issue, getting the help needed, dealing with your options, and having support are all necessary parts of getting a handle on the problem.  Your life may change.  You may have feelings of anger, sadness, or fear.  All of this is normal and expected.   Some amount of grieving is part of the process too.  It is a necessary part of accepting the changes that are happening.

Any loss can bring on pain and suffering.  Accepting what has happened is critical to moving forward to the next phase in your life’s journey.  Remember all those around you who need you to be strong, healthy, and stable. 

Grieve…accept…love…live.

There is a next phase to your life.

The Next Step

Today, after being away for 24 days at the hospital and physical therapy facility, I am returning home.  I was only expecting to only be away for about half that time.   Although I am very excited to be returning home, I am also a wee bit nervous about it too.

Of course it will be great to be back with my husband, sleep in my own bed, and have all my personal belongings within reach.  It will be nice to have a wider range of food choices and more channels to choose from on the TV.  It will be good to have my cat sleep on my lap and have my dog follow me around, wanting nothing more than a scratch on her head.  Our home is our home, after all, and we have it set up to surround ourselves with things we need and like.

So why am I nervous?  Well, for the last 3+ weeks, I have been waited on hand and foot.  Meals have been brought to me three times a day.  Medications have been handed to me at the right time and in the correct amounts.  If something changes with my condition, even the slightest bit, I push a button and within minutes, there is a nurse by my side who can answer my question or get the answer from a doctor right away.  When I want to shower, someone gets it set up for me and cleans up afterwards.  I have pull cords by my bed and in the bathroom if I need assistance.  There are other people recovering from joint replacements that I see daily during therapy and we can share experiences, progress, and relate to what the other is going through. 

I am nervous because I know myself pretty well.  I like to do things for myself.  I push myself.  I challenge myself.  I compete with myself.  I am worried that I will do too much, too soon.  I am worried that I will forget a medication, or eat something that I am not supposed to because of its interaction with the medication.  I know that my house is bigger than my little room here and to do the same simple tasks at home, I will be doing more walking.  I worry that my pets will be by my side after my long absence, tripping me without meaning to.  

When I am ready for breakfast or lunch, I will have to get up and make it. It will not come to me on a tray, with all the needed condiments.  If I want a second cup of coffee, I will have to get up again and get it for myself.  I will not have a doctor coming to my bedside every other night checking my incision, my swelling, my breathing, and answer my questions.  No one will monitor my pulse, blood pressure, oxygen level, and temperature.

But I am ready.  I am more than ready…to go home, to move on to, as my colleague Mimi called it, the next step of my recovery journey.  I am strong, independent, determined.  I have confidence in the facility that said I am ready to go home and wean off the help I am getting here.  Wean off the medications I am taking.  Wean off the dependence I have on others to get through my day.

You can probably relate to being ready albeit nervous about the next step to something like starting college, being promoted to a job with harder responsibilities, or entering a new relationship.  When you are ready for the next step, you should try to approach it with confidence.  After all, it’s part of the journey.

Goodbye Bethel Health Care!

Effort

I hear all the time how much effort you put into something affects how much you get out of it.  Although there are other factors that can affect the outcomes, effort is an important part that cannot be overlooked.

Since I am a teacher, I will start with school.  Teachers and parents can work until they are blue in the face trying to help a child learn, but unless the student is putting in effort, improvement will not happen.  Certainly there are other factors that can affect performance besides effort, such as the quality of the instruction, materials used, readiness of the student, emotional and social difficulties, and the potential of the student.  But putting all these things aside, if there is no effort, there will be no advancement.  All we can ask for is that students truly put in their best effort.  

The word fairness sometimes crops up around the word effort.  “It’s not fair that “Bob” doesn’t have to study at all and he always gets an A.” … “It’s not fair that I put in 3 times more time studying for a test than everyone else does, yet I still get the lowest grade.” … “I study just as hard as Mary yet she always gets better grades than me.”  Obviously you can see the holes in these sample quotes, so you have to be wary of using the words fairness and effort together.  Besides, who said life was fair?

Employment is another area where effort plays an important role in holding a job and also in advancing. Hand-in-hand with effort comes performance.  Sometimes you are lucky and hit your goal without hard work, but that is the exception and not the rule.  Those who work hard and put in top-notch effort all the time generally succeed in the working world.  Disclaimer:  Since we are currently in a recession, there may be some of you who were laid off due to the economy and not due to a lack of effort.  Many factors are used in the rationale of a company’s decisions who to let go.  Sometimes their decisions may seem fair and sometimes not.  But again, who said life is fair?

It takes effort to make friends and also to keep the friendships alive and healthy.  Relationships take work, which requires effort.  Taking a phone call when you don’t feel like talking, going out when you are tired, or setting up a long overdue get-together are all examples of actions that require effort on your part.  And let me say here that friendships are a two-way matter.  Nothing deteriorates faster or with more of a let down than when the amount of time and effort you put into a friendship is not reciprocated equally.

We all know someone who is an amazing shopper.  She always seems to find the best sales, knows where to go for the best quality items, and seems to know every store that is out there.  She knows where to find the perfect gift for that person who has everything,  or where to shop to put together an awesome outfit.   This information does not come magically to her in her sleep.  It takes effort on her part to know this information.  It could be that it interests her and is fun for her to ‘know’ all this.  No one said the effort has to be hard or daunting.  As a matter of fact, many times it is fun and exciting.

In addition to shopping, other hobbies and sports require effort if you are hoping to be any good at them.  Photography, painting, playing an instrument, assembling collections, dancing, or participating in any sport are all examples of activities where effort is needed to progress.  Although there are a few natural-born artists/musicians/athletes, the majority of us need to put in a great deal of effort, time, and hard work to advance.

As the president of a non-profit organization for the last five years, I can tell you first hand how difficult fund-raising is.  Thinking up creative ideas, recruiting ample volunteers, and providing what potential attendees want are some of the primary basics of fund-raising.  But the effort of the volunteers can make or break the success of your event.  They say they will do something, but have some excuse why it didn't happen.  They may procrastinate so long that the opportunity of their task has passed.  They produce 10% of what everyone's expectations were of their assigned task.  Other aspects can also squelch the fund-raising success, but this article is focusing on the effects of effort or a lack thereof.

I will end today at my rehabilitation facility.  When I am in the physical therapy sessions I put forth 110% effort and I see those around me also putting forth the effort that they can.  The variable part of successful physical therapy comes during the ‘off time’.  We have therapy sessions twice a day on Monday through Friday, once on Saturday, and none on Sunday. We are ‘supposed to’ do exercises in our room every day, with more on Saturdays and a lot more on Sundays.  Those who put in this time and effort and do the work all the time when no one is looking will advance quicker in their rehabilitation.  Those who don't, won’t. 

I am the type who does the work ‘plus some’, and it has nothing to do with anyone besides me keeping track. Certainly no one is watching me in my room checking off my exercises on a chart.  I show up early for my physical therapy sessions to warm up and stay late to ice my knee longer.  If I am in too much pain, which was the case more than once, I give my full effort and do what I can.  I don’t beat myself up over the fact that I didn’t do what the therapist was hoping I could do, because I didn’t stop out of laziness. I did what I could and that is all anyone can ask for...your full effort.  Many patients who don’t do the extra exercises might be avoiding them because of the pain they produce or of the effort that it will take to get to that pain.  Without someone there pushing them, the work is just too daunting. 

I am hoping for full use of my right knee in a few months.  I didn’t go through all this pain, inconvenience, loss of work time, and expense for mediocre results.  I know my effort will pay off.  That’s true for most things in life:  How much effort you put into something affects how much you get out of it.