Does the Half Count?

Many of us hope to live a full rich life.  Perhaps we even have a number in mind, like reaching 80, 90, or even 100 years of age.  When you get up that high, it is important to count the half-year too, just like when you are single-digit young.  My great-Aunt Mary lived to be 108 ½ and we always include the half.  Were there secrets to her longevity?  I am not sure, but I can share some facets of her life and we can decide together.

Aunt Mary was born in Italy in 1887, the oldest of six children.  As a child, she used to suck on crystals of hard rock salt instead of candy.  This led to a lifelong love of salt.  She graduated from the Art and Needlework Academy at the age of 19.  As a graduation gift, her father let her sail to America with him as part of a business venture he was taking part in. 

Working for an Italian wine maker, his task was to bring casks of the best Italian red and white vintage wines to introduce to the American market.  In addition, he was to see how the wine fared on the 15-day trip across the ocean.  Although the wine traveled well, Americans had gotten used to beer and the venture failed. The trip was only supposed to last three months but they ended up staying and buying an embroidery business from their uncle’s friend.  

Aunt Mary was a very talented embroiderer.  She brought clothes to life using pearls, rhinestones, beads, sequins, spangles, and gems. Most of Aunt Mary’s designs came from her imagination, but other times they were created after research in the New York library and museums, where she looked for inspiration. 

The business with her father was successful and after three years they sent for the rest of the family to join them in America.   Two of her older sisters, Betty and Lee, helped out with the family business.  One memorable time was when Aunt Mary designed the embellishments on a satin gown for Florence Harding.  Mrs. Harding wanted something very special to wear to her husband Warren’s inaugural ball as the 29^th president of the United States.  This gown with Aunt Mary’s work is currently part of the First Ladies exhibit at the Smithsonian in Washington, DC.

When the crash of 1929 hit, they, along with millions of others, lost everything.  For the next 13 years, Aunt Mary held various jobs, including one as a fashion consultant at de Jaquids, a high fashion house in Manhattan.  She met many wealthy people who shopped there and made clothes for the wives of Astor, Hearst, and Vanderbilt.  Although she came in contact with wealthy, famous people, this never changed who she was and what her beliefs were.

Aunt Mary was destined to have her own embroidery business though.  In 1942 she opened Marie Novelties with her sister Betty.   Her embroidery was in high demand.  She did work for Dior, Saks, Bergdorff Goodman, and Casella.  She enjoyed the freedom that came with owning her own business. 

Aunt Mary was a very compassionate woman with a good business sense.  She often hired older women, many well into their seventies, allowing them to do most of their stitching at home.  This spared them the cost of commuting, making their wages go a little further.  She hired Hungarian and Russian women to work on smocking, Italians to do beadwork, and Spanish women to do appliqué.  She was proud of the good wages she paid to women.

Lo and behold, another first lady's inaugural gown dons Aunt Mary’s embroidery work.  Anna Eleanor Roosevelt bought a satin gown at Bergdorf Goodman, then wanted some beadwork added to the neckline and sleeves.  This gown was worn to her husband’s third inaugural ball in January 1941 and is also part of the Smithsonian collection. 

First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, wearing the gown that Aunt Mary embroidered for her.

I have fond memories of her life in the family house in the Bronx, where she lived with her other siblings.  These memories are described in another blog entry: A House in the Bronx.  Aunt Mary used to love showing us her work and trying to impart her knowledge to us.  We would go into her basement and become mesmerized with the boxes and bins of sequins and beads.  We were in 'Little Girl Heaven'.  

Aunt Mary taught me to crochet when I was six.  It never dawned on her that her great niece could not pick up the fine coordination skill needed.  I still love to crochet and I am grateful for the memories I have of her teaching me on the front porch of that house in the Bronx.  

We jokingly say that one reason Aunt Mary lived so long is that she never got married.  She had more than one proposal though.  One of her suitors told her he would take care of her and she would never have to work another day in her life.  That was a grave mistake and it was the end of him.  A very independent woman, she reflected afterward that God didn’t want her to be married. She believed her destiny was to work and to help others through her work.  She did, however, bring up her niece and nephew when her sister Laura and Laura’s husband died six months apart, while both were only in their forties.  She worked hard to give them a good life and send them to college.  She was always busy helping others, whether she was making a wedding gown for a niece or crocheting dolls for the senior citizens.  

My mother's wedding gown, which Aunt Marie made and embroidered.  She made all the gowns and special dresses for all her nieces and sisters.

Aunt Mary, with red bow in her hat, made most of the dresses in this photo for my parents' wedding.

Aunt Mary moved from the Bronx to Yorktown Heights, when she was in her eighties.  She had an apartment built as an extension a niece's home.  She attended every family party and holiday and enjoyed each festivity with gusto.  She sat around the table after the meal and participated in the wonderful discussions, not missing a beat.  Afterward, she would retreat to the couch for a nap. Never wanting to miss anything, she was one of the last ones to leave the party. 

It is pretty remarkable that Aunt Mary did not need to be on any medications throughout her life.  Her health was always remarkable, despite the fact that she generously salted her food throughout her life.  She used to say that salt was good for the blood; sugar was good for the brain.  She enjoyed a little swig of vermouth at night too.  Her only ailment was cataracts later in life, around the age of 95.  It was her only surgery.

As her eyesight declined, Aunt Mary would ask my mother to write letters for her.  As she dictated letters to be sent to the presidents, my mother would chuckle to herself.  Aunt Mary knew her current events and thought she had the answer to all the problems.  She enjoyed telling the presidents how to fix the country.  Aunt Mary remained lucid until the end of her life.

So, Aunt Mary’s longevity could be attributed to her lifestyle, her personality, her genes, her attitude, her generous nature, or the fact that she never got married and enjoyed her vermouth at night.  Her strength and independence made an impression on all the members of our family, boys and girls alike.  Not only did I have the honor to call her my great aunt and enjoy her for many years of my life, but both our sons also have memories of their great-great aunt.  She was truly a woman before her time...and she lived to be 108 ½. 

Aunt Mary (right) at one of her great-niece's weddings.  She made her dress.

A Challenge

Video games make up a multi-million dollar industry.   From the start of their release in the 70s, parents showed concern about the effects the violence could have on their children.  As the industry grew, so did the competition between manufacturers.  The change in content was quick and dramatic; the details of the violence improved along with the advancement of the technology. Let’s take a look at the violence in these games and the challenge I put forth to the industry.

The most popular video games are not the educational or sports ones, but the ones containing shooting and killing.   The goal of these games has always been to shoot ‘everything and anything that gets in your way’.  Earlier games like Space Invaders and Wonder Boy used cartoon-like characters killing aliens and monsters and lacked the gore used in today’s games.   Now games depict realistic looking people and include sprays of blood that cover walls and floors near a character and explosives bursting people’s bodies into small but recognizable body parts.  Video games have always included violence but now the realism and gore has caught up to the level of violence in the games.

Violent video games are played by people of all ages, not just children.  To point out that there is a rating on the games does not eliminate the problem of the violence contained in them.  Parents can control, to the degree they choose, the games that their own children play.  But those of age can buy and play any game they want and are generally the ones in our society who carry out the most violent crimes.  I believe that continually watching or participating in simulated violent acts is detrimental to the development of a healthy human mind.  It can also give people ideas that can be simulated or acted upon.

I often hear people say that the world today is not the same world it was when they were growing up.  I guess depending on your age that could leave a range of what time period they were talking about.  But let’s ‘just’ go back 50 years, to 1963.  Yes, society certainly had its problems, it always does, but the level of violence that has changed in our society in ‘just’ 50 years is astounding and frightening.  Second amendment rights were still in full force in 1963, but the number of guns on the street and the types of guns were nowhere near where they are today. Fifty years ago, ‘bad people’ could not get new bad ideas to act on from video games, movies, or the Internet.  But I am starting to digress, so let me get back to the point of today’s post.

Surfing the web, one can find many entertaining sites.  I see posts shared from friends from U-tube and other sites that are unique, funny, and entertaining.  Violence is not the only topic that can entertain.  The challenge for the video game industry is to try to come up with a new wave of games that does not include shooting.  I am not saying this will happen overnight since the industry’s beginnings were rooted in shooting.  But what I strongly believe is that there is immense creativity in our society and that creativity goes beyond being boxed into guns, knives, and explosives for entertainment.

There are so many advantages of changing the focus of video games away from shooting and violence.  Most importantly, we would not be putting detailed violent images into the minds of children and older people who play the games.  Secondly, parents would likely support and might even buy more games for their children if they didn’t have the violence, increasing sales for the industry.  Additionally, depending on what the creative minds come up with for new generation of games, they could increase future creativity in those people who play the games.

As a society, we have become obsessed with violence.  This is not only seen in video games, but also in movies, television, the Internet, and what the media covers.  Violence always seems newsworthy, whereas fresh stories with new ideas does not.   We need to start somewhere and for this I set forth my challenge.

As a teacher and the president and founder of a non-profit music and arts organization, I know firsthand how creative our youth are.  They are advancing to great colleges with fresh ideas.  They are entering the workforce with new, innovative ideas.  I challenge them to come up with a way to transition the video game industry into a less violent one.  Make something else the new cool besides blowing up someone’s brain with a machine gun or slicing off someone’s body parts with a machete. 

Who knows, maybe in 50 years people will say it is not the same world today that it was 50 years ago when all that violence dominated our society.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  But I certainly hope we don’t have to wait 50 years.