The Hitchhiker

Think of all the times you defended your memory.  You were adamant about how an event happened or what a person did.  Sometimes our memories are fuzzy, but other times they are crystal clear.

One such time happened a few years ago.  We were hosting a family birthday party at our house.  My husband was talking about our cross-country trip in 1989.  I heard him say we picked up a hitchhiker on our trip.  When I heard this come out of his mouth from across the room, I abandoned my conversation, and sped to his.  What was he talking about? We never pick up hitchhikers and certainly would never have picked one up on a back dirt road with a baby in the car.  I disputed his memory with a vengeance. My family, knowing me to a T, also believed Chris’ memory faulty.  I left the conversation incredulous that he could even have mixed up picking up a hitchhiker from his earlier single days to picking one up with our new baby in the car. 

After the guests had left and the last of the leftovers were sealed in Tupperware, we went back to the hitchhiker.  It came to me that I kept a log of our trip, like I do of most trips.  I could finally provide the proof I needed to get the hitchhiker out of Chris’ mind.  Luckily I am fairly organized and located the log within a relatively small amount of time.  Here is what it said with a brief background setting the stage:

When we moved from Los Angeles back to the east coast, our older son was the only son at that point, having been born in Santa Monica Hospital.  He was 17 months old at the time of the long trip.  He was a great traveler, loving the camping adventures, the hikes, and just spending time with mommy and daddy.  After all, we had both quit our full time jobs to move, so now we were with him 24/7.

We had purchased a new Toyota van for the trip and were a week into our 25-day venture.  We had just spent the night camping in Great Basin National Park in Utah.  This was a new park, established only three years earlier in 1986.  The camping was secluded, and I vividly remember washing the dishes and pan from our tuna casserole in the icy cold river, since there was no running water in the park.  It was a windy, rainy night with a low of 40 degrees.

The next morning, after breakfast at the Visitor Center, we set out towards Beaver, Utah, where we made our lunch stop.  Since we had a very loose plan for this cross-country trip, we continuously consulted the map and tweaked the next leg of our journey.  My husband, always a fan of back roads, spotted one on the map during our lunch.  It was a 40-mile dirt road from Beaver to Junction, Utah.  I was and still am not a fan of dirt roads.  I was less a fan then, traveling with a 17 month old.  I know our van was brand spanking new, but still… Being a team player however, I finally broke down and agreed to give it a try.  We were on our way to Capitol Reed National Park and this would certainly be a shorter route.

There were two general configurations of passengers for our trip.  If the baby was due to fall asleep in the back, then we could both ride in front.  If it was his ‘awake’ time however, one of us always stayed in the back with him to read to him, play games, or generally just hang out.  This was an ‘awake’ time, so I was riding in the back with him, reading one of his Sesame Street books. 

The secluded road was mostly gravel, which made it very bumpy and slow going.  About one-third through the road, while we were still climbing up the mountain pass, we spotted a man standing outside his truck, which had broken down.  The hairs on my arms stood up as I stiffened and told Chris to just keep on driving. I thought it was a trap.  He responded that we couldn’t just leave him there abandoned on a dirt road, miles from anywhere.  I insisted he keep driving because we had the baby in the car.  But, he stopped and we gave the man a lift the rest of the way on the dirt road to Junction, Utah.  He was a little older than us and didn’t say much.  I was stiff as a board the whole ride and didn't do much talking.  I could tell the baby was curious about this new person in our car too.

When we got to Junction, the man thanked us and he went on his way.  Never again… I made my husband promise.  Although it turned out ok, I was a nervous wreck, so much so that I obviously completely repressed that memory. By finding my log of our trip, I thought I would be able to prove the way I remembered it right, but just the opposite happened.

The moral of the story is even when you know you are right, you might not be.

Slides

I really enjoy the experience of watching the projection of slide film.  From my early childhood years to today, seeing my memories enlarged on a big screen is so much fun. 

You may be thinking that with technology, one can view photos on a large screen TV in high definition and achieve the same results.  But in my opinion, it is not the same.  Hearing the whirring of the projector, anticipating the clicking of the next slide, and debating who is going to control the remote is part of the experience.  Plus, you have to watch slides in the dark whereas you can watch a TV screen any time of day, which adds to the ambiance.

When I was growing up, my father documented snippets of our lives with both print and slide film.  We used to love those special evenings when we were going to ‘watch the sides’.  Seeing ourselves larger than life on a screen in our living room was extraordinary.  It was our night out; better in some ways than a drive-in movie theatre.  Here, we were the stars and everyone in the room loved us.

When we began having children of our own, my husband and I were shooting both print and side film.  Being the organizational nut that I am, combined with both of us being avid photographers, we came to a decision that for the most part, we would shoot print film for home life and slide film for vacations. This way we would know where to find the pictures we wanted to see.  Sharing everyday photos of our life and our kids with grandparents and other family members was obviously easier if we just had to make prints from negatives.  However, when we wanted to relive a vacation, we would experience it on the ‘big screen’.  We also found that watching the slides with our own boys kept their early vacation memories alive in their minds. 

Flash forward to our present empty nest.  There are those nights when watching slides is the perfect activity for my husband and me.  We are the only ones, other than our parents of course, who could enjoy watching hours of our own memories.  We can linger as long as we want on a certain photo and reminisce, or try to recall details about a trip or an event.  This keeps the vacations and moments alive in our minds as well.

Watching slides last night inspired this blog.  Here I am in Monument Valley in 1995 with one of our sons.  We transferred the image from slide to computer.

Whether your memories are on print, slide, or video, the significant part is documenting important events for future memories.  Passing those memories down to your children or relatives is also important in keeping your past alive.  If you are inspired to go shoot some slide film now, Fuji 400 was always our favorite.

 Here is one of our sons, meditating on a Redwood tree in Redwoods National Park in California in 2000.

Are Knee Surgeries on the Rise?

How many of you know someone who has had a knee replacement? Or perhaps you are the recipient of one yourself. It seems that we hear more and more about this type of surgery, so it prompted me to think about why it ‘seems’ to be on the rise.

First, it is possible that those hearing more about them are people whose age is approaching the time when people they know are having them. When I was getting my wisdom teeth pulled, it seemed like so many people I knew were also getting them pulled. But quite frankly, most of the people I knew were of that age when it is common to get them pulled. When I was pregnant…same thing. Many friends and acquaintances seemed to be having babies too. So it could be that the company we keep is nearing or of the age where this is a needed surgery.

Science and technology improve every year. Many procedures and surgeries that used to be rare or less common have advanced to the point where they are easier, safer, and more accessible to the public. Many have heard that knee replacements last only 10 years. I asked a knee surgeon about that and he explained that about 10 years ago there was one company that was using a material that was only lasting 10 years. The other manufacturers produce parts that have a ‘life expectancy’ of 20-30 years in a majority of recipients. Of course it will vary based on what you do with your knee and how well you take care of yourself. For example, will you go back to running marathons or will you switch to brisk walking instead? Will you put yourself back in a catcher’s mask or now swim laps? After going through a knee replacement, people have choices to make based on what they want to do with their lives. Those choices affect the wear and tear on their bodies, whether they are the original or replacement parts.

Another great improvement is that some surgeons are now doing what is referred to as a ‘less invasive’ procedure. With this, the incision is 4-5 inches instead of 10-12. Half the cutting means less muscle bothered and half the recovery time.

In addition to the elderly, it seems that many baby boomers, defined now as those in their late 40s to early 60s, also seem to be having knee replacement surgeries. I believe baby boomers tend to do what they need to do to get what they want. The attitude is not to wait for more advances in the procedure because you can never catch up. There will always be improvements. The attitude is more why not do it now so that I can continue to enjoy the quality of my life? What benefit would there be to continue to wait? Pain? Limited activities? Increased chances of falling?

Now I find myself, a baby boomer by definition, in the same boat. I have always been an athlete and enjoyed a life with many sports. I started as a gymnast for 10 years and then I became an avid runner. During those next 10 years I ran 36 miles per week on the hard streets of Los Angeles. After children, I cut my mileage in half, but the pounding on my knees continued for years. I am proud to say I had great running form because I read lots of running magazines. Proper form included positioning of your head, your shoulders, how you swung your arms, and how you landed on your feet. What many may not realize is that running “heel first, then roll on to your toe” was the proper form that was preached for years. Now experts realize that landing on your heel first is indeed not good for your knees. The result is that there is now a whole generation of runners with knees that are shot, and I am one of them.

So what am I to do? I have already been putting off the procedure for 4 years. During those 4 years the sports and activities I am able to do has decreased to zero. I am in pain every day. So why on earth would I continue to wait? I still consider myself young, having just celebrated my 55th birthday a few weeks ago. I am sure this surgery will continue to improve as all science and technology does, but for now, this is a tremendous improvement. With luck this new knee will last me 30 years, if God grants me the time. If I’m lucky enough to get more, then I will cross that bridge when I get to it. In the meantime, I will enjoy the next 30 years of my life with a brand new beautiful knee!

Think Before You Speak

As adults, hopefully we have learned to be careful what we say.  If we threaten consequences, we need to follow through.  If we teach something, we need to be sure it is right.  If we promise something, we need to keep our promise.

Years ago, when one of our boys was in elementary school, he was not the strongest writer.  I was worried that he would enter middle school lacking in strong writing skills. So we came up with a plan.  He agreed I could tutor him three times a week the summer before 6^th grade if he could invite three friends to join him.  That translated to free tutoring all summer long for three lucky boys.  In addition, on Fridays, I would take them all somewhere fun, like bowling, swimming, or to mini golf.  If not, we would go to pizza or ice cream.  So not only was I not getting paid, but this was arrangement would cost me money.  But in the end, it sounded like a fun plan for all involved.

Our Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning arrangement was going along swimmingly.  I even set up a keyboarding station where one boy would learn keyboarding while I worked with the other three.  One day, after the other boys left, I complimented my son on how well he was progressing.  We talked about our state’s standardized tests and how they score the writing prompt portion.  The scores range from 2-12, with a score of 8 being the goal.  I told him I would be so happy if he reached goal.  The year before he received a grade of ‘Unscorable’.  Generally that means the scorer can’t read the student’s handwriting, or the student didn’t really answer the prompt question. 

So my son, always the finagler, asked me what I would give him if he reached goal and scored an 8.  I told him he could have a sleepover with 3 friends.  He raised his eyes in delight, and then asked what if he got a 9.  I chuckled, knowing he was pushing his luck, but said we would go out to pizza before the sleepover.  Well, now he was on a roll.  What about a 10?  Well, no way that was happening, so I said we would add mini-golf to the outing.  Now he was acting like he was on a sugar high.  Eleven?  A trip to Six Flags.  Twelve?  I paused, daydreaming about that non-existent possibility of going from ‘Unscorable’ to 12 in one year and said, “If you score a 12, we will go to Disney World!”  That sure got him to work hard all summer.

But, reality set back in, we finished our summer tutoring, and my son entered middle school.  October rolled around and the CMT tests were administered.  He said he thought he did ok, but scores don’t come back for months.  When the springtime came, our district language arts administrator came to see me.  The scores had just come in and she asked me what I did to prepare my son for the test.  I deflated, thinking she must think I am a terrible mother that I prepare my students but not my own son.  I started to answer but then she showed me his score.  Not only did he score a 12 on the writing prompt, but he also scored a perfect 400 (out of 400 points) on the total writing portion of the test.  I had never seen a perfect writing score before and only occasionally see them now from year to year.  I was absolutely flabbergasted.  My pride in his accomplishments was clouded by the fact that I was now going to have to plan a family vacation to Florida in the summer!

I fleetingly let the thought cross my mind that I wouldn’t tell him his true score, but that didn’t last more than one second.  He worked hard and earned it.  He needed to know that hard work pays off.  I needed to learn that promises made without thinking things through was requiring me to pay.  The moral of the story is to be careful what you promise… because the seemingly impossible can happen.  The other moral of the story is to never sell your children short…they are capable of great things.  I learned my lessons.  

Disclaimer:  This is not an actual picture of my son.  He does indeed have a nose.

The Retirement Dilemma

Whether you are years away or can see it on the horizon, retirement is a 10-letter word that we all have to think about at some point or another.  Personally, we are getting closer to the ‘seeing it on the horizon’ side and with that seems to come the question:  Where are you going to retire?

First of all, it kind of annoys me when people ask that.  They assume that you have to move away.  We have made a nice home for ourselves where we are.  We have a ton of friends and relatives nearby.  We know where to shop, worked hard to find doctors we like, and we all know how hard it is to find a good hairdresser.  Our boys grew up here and want to continue to come back to visit their home, their town, their friends, and their family.  That said, we have begun to give the question some thought.

There are so many factors to consider when you think about whether you want to move when you retire.  First of all, you need to consider the size of your house and yard.   Many of us could definitely consider downsizing at retirement time.  There is a fine balance between still having enough space for guests and entertaining, yet keeping a smaller space for cost savings.  Less space means less to clean, which is a definite plus.   There also comes a point when cutting the lawn and shoveling the driveway become tasks that you don’t look forward to.  Maintaining the trees and plants and chopping wood for the fireplace can get old after many years too, or it could be that you are just too old to want to do it anymore.

You might consider downsizing to a smaller house in your town or you may even move to a smaller house in a nearby town, if taxes are lower, staying in the general are where you live.  If you no longer have kids in the school system, living in a town where taxes are high because of the great schools may no longer be a factor to keep you tied to that town too.

Let’s face it though; climate is probably the number one factor that people think of when deciding where to retire.  Many people are sick of the cold, or sick of the heat, or just sick in general and need to move to a different type of climate.  There are few places with a perfect climate though.  Plus it depends what you consider perfect.  Then you have to factor in your natural disasters and what scares you.  Earthquakes?  Hurricanes?  Tornadoes?  Smog?  Mudslides?  Blizzards?  Floods? 

What about some action?  Retirement should not mean inactivity.  Do you want to retire to a small quiet town or still be near a larger city with cultural activities?  Do you want have access to a decent size airport for traveling?  All food for thought.

Some people say they want to wait to see where their kids end up living and move near them.  The problem with that is obvious though.  If you relocate near them, their jobs or situation may change and they may end up moving which leaves you in a new place without them.  So caution needs to be exercised in this regard.

I have a few friends who have recently relocated to other states.  Although they are enjoying the warmer climate and relaxed atmosphere, the number one complaint seems to be that they miss their friends and family.  They continually want everyone to come visit them, but it costs money to travel and that is easier hoped for than done.  Moving far away definitely puts a damper on seeing friends on any kind of a regular basis.

So, where would we like to retire?  My husband would love to retire in the desert or the mountains; I would like to be near the ocean or in Italy.  Maybe we can spend a few months here and a few months there or maybe we won’t move at all.  What I do know is that we are starting the conversation and learning from others who have done it before us.

Learning a Second Language

In school, most students get exposed to at least one world language.  Some students take very well to it and go on to study multiple languages.  Others do all they can to get through the requirement to graduate high school or college.  Still others are forced to learn a second language because they have moved to another country with a different language.  Regardless of the situation, you have to work hard to learn a second language.

I am envious of those individuals who are ‘wired’ for languages.  To them, once you know how to learn a second language, the third, fourth, and fifth are not much more difficult.  The capacity of their brain to hold all that information ‘just’ related to language amazes me.  One of my sons is like that.  German, French, Italian, Spanish…if you know one you can learn them all.  Two days in Amsterdam and he was speaking Dutch at the restaurant.  The day before, I had bought him a Dutch English dictionary.  This is not to be confused with an English Dutch dictionary.  The one we found in the local bookstore required him to look up the word in Dutch to see its English equivalent.  I guess there was a reason he went on to major in Linguistics.

Other students have trouble mastering their first language.  In these cases, you have to wonder why they are required to try to learn a second one when they can’t get the hang of the first one.  But requirements are requirements and they do what they can to get through the class. 

There is no doubt that our society is becoming more international.  Many college students are majoring in international studies for politics, relations, communications or affairs.  Studying abroad is still a very popular practice.  It was one of the best experiences of my younger days when I studied in London for a semester.  I was not faced with a language barrier however.  After experiencing living in another country,  it is possible that students might choose to live and/or work in a country where they will have to speak a second language. I like the fact that the younger generation of Americans seems to be realizing that we are not the center of the universe.  

Likewise, there are more and more people coming to the U.S. whose first language is not English.  Immersion is the best way to learn or improve the skills of a second language.  In my sixth grade classroom, I have had students whose first language is not English.  To make it more difficult, quite often they don’t begin the school year from the start along with everyone else. Modifications may need to be made to their coursework.  They may also need support from an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher.  But because they are immersed, their progress is rapid.

In high school, I studied Spanish for three years.  Then in my senior year,  my school added Italian to its offerings.  Of course, being Italian, I happily switched, but I found the two romance languages similar and therefore confusing.  When I went off to college, to my dismay Italian was not offered, so it was back to Spanish for me.  It wasn’t until about 5 years ago that I decided to finally learn and master the Italian language.  My primary motivation was to be able to talk to my relatives in Italy without having a language barrier.  A secondary motivation was being able to maneuver around the country on my own when traveling, which we have been doing quite a bit of in the last 8 years. 

I started with Italian CDs.  I would play them in the car all the time.  And I mean all the time.  Whenever my son borrowed my car while he was in high school, he annoyingly ejected the CD every time he got into my car.  When we went on long road trips, I was happy because I would get in a good long session with the tapes, but we had to compromise to keep peace in the car.  Tapes were great for learning basic vocabulary and phrases while practicing pronunciation too.  From there I tried my town’s adult education classes, but I found I wasn’t getting much out of a two hour class with a dozen students who had varying amounts of knowledge and a teacher who didn’t know how to differentiate.  I finally began to study with a private tutor and I have been progressing quite well.  She is such a great teacher; she works me hard, and if I do say so myself, I work hard at it too.  I always do my weekly homework, and speak Italian around the house, even if no one understands me.  I swear my cat loves being spoken to in Italian and the dog is starting to catch on.  

Here are a few tips while speaking to someone whose first language is not yours:

1)                    Speak slowly – this doesn’t mean loudly – they are not deaf, they just need time to translate AND process all the words you are saying.

2)                    Try to be conscious of all the idioms you are using and minimize using them.  When translated, they are taken literally.  If you tell someone you are killing two birds with one stone, you can bet that what they get out of your sentence is not what you meant.

3)                    Choose your vocabulary carefully, using simple words.  Chances are they know the basics, but not the SAT word list. 

For those of you contemplating learning a second language, I would encourage it tremendously.  It is quite rewarding when you get to the point of being able to have a conversation.  It is also fun when you can read a story and actually understand it.  It is even more complimentary when you speak to an Italian and your pronunciation is so good that they ramble back to you quickly like you are fluent.  Although I do agree that learning additional languages is easier when you are younger, you are never too old to learn.  You just need to put in the time and effort and have the determination to succeed.

Imparare una nuova lingua è divertente e appagante. Provalo!

Less Blogging

In an effort to keep my blogs interesting, I am going to change the frequency of the postings to three times a week.  I find myself starting and abandoning many topics thinking that they won’t be interesting or diverse enough.  I will post on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays starting this week. Thanks for reading. See you on Friday.

Pet Interview

Did you ever wonder what your cat and dog do all day long when you are not home?  On days when we are at work, they are generally alone for over seven hours.  I know I am really busy during that time but what exactly do the pets do?  I asked a professional to interview my pets to find out the scoop.

Q - So, what do you do once everyone has gone for the day?

Dog – Well, first I stare at the door for about 15 seconds, hoping they forgot something else and are coming back in.  Then I can ask for another cookie.

Cat –I just mind my own business; stay on the couch with a grave look on my face.  Some people call it a dirty look, but it is not necessarily. 

Q – When you realize that everyone is truly gone, then what?

Dog – I start by doing a sweep of the kitchen, looking for anything that has fallen on the floor while breakfast was being made.  Next, I check if the cupboard door was left open.  It’s always good when it is.   Then I can paw my way through the cookie box and get some more treats.  Really, they only give me 3 little cookies, like that is supposed to be satisfying!  Heck, I weigh 50 pounds; I’m not some little toy poodle.

Cat – Well, I watch the dog to see if she has scored at the cupboard.  If so, I join in.  By the way, dogs eat; I dine.

Q – Are you saying you are not well fed?

Dog – No, I am sure they are giving us what the doctors say to, but what about some splurges?  Heaven knows they have them…

Cat – I usually get what I want.  If not, I start to eat their plants again, and then they are sure to give me more food the next day. 

Dog – Yeah, that doesn’t work for me.  I like meat.

Q – So what occupies most of your time, sleep?

Dog – Yes and no.  The cat and I wrestle a few times during the day.  He usually wins but that is because he is older.  It doesn’t really matter that I weigh 50 pounds and he weighs 14.  He is still a big cat so I give in to him.

Cat – Yeah, you are a sissy.

Q- Where is your favorite place to sleep?

Cat – I like to change my locations.  It’s part of my strategy to keep everyone wondering where I am, but I do like the bed.

Dog – My favorite spot by far is the leather couch.  I have my favorite section on it too, but the cat likes to try to get it sometimes, just to get me mad I think.

Q - Do you get bored sleeping so much?

Dog – Heck no!  That’s what we do best.  When I was little I liked to run around outside, but now that catching the Frisbee thing can get real old.  I do it once to amuse everyone, then that is enough already.  Sleeping is good.

Cat – Bored of sleeping?  I don’t understand what you mean?  Bored of sleeping?  Huh?

Q – If someone rings the doorbell, do you answer?

Dog – If by answer you mean bark my head off for 3 minutes, then yes.  But no one ever comes in.  I don’t know why.  I let them know we are home and want to go out…

Cat – I just watch the dog go wild, then I go back to sleep.

Q – Anything else you do during the day that you would like to add?

Cat – I like lying by the window watching the birds and the squirrels.  Sometimes I jump up on things I know I am not supposed to and I end up knocking something down.  I always try to make it look like the dog did it. 

Dog – I dream of food and taking long walks in the woods. 

Cat – Yeah, you are a sissy mama’s girl.

A Pickpocketing Story

Many large cities have pick-pocketing problems.  (Try saying that three times fast!)  Tourists are always warned to keep their wallets and passports tucked deep in their bags or in holders under their shirts.  The thieves who do the pickpocketing are very clever and have all sorts of ‘routines’ worked out to distract the victim while accessing whatever they can get their hands on.

On the student trips to Europe that I ran, I required each student to have some sort of a passport holder.  Each student carried their own passport, and it was very important that they didn’t lose it.  A lost passport would mean at least a day away from the tour spent in the American Embassy.  Plus the student would have to pay whatever replacement fees applied.  If they lost it on the day of travel, they would have to pay for a chaperone (me) to accompany them on a later flight home.  Because of the inconvenience and cost, I am always very diligent about passports.

There are several styles of passport holders that are popular.  One is worn diagonally across the chest under the shirt.  Personally I like this kind.  It is hidden and out of sight.  Although it can be a little bulky, it is not that bad.  Another style gets clipped to the waist of the pants, on the inside front of the person.  The thought is that you should know if someone is grabbing for it there.  The holders come in various materials and colors too, but the important thing is to have one.

Every time we leave a city or hotel, I require the kids to ‘touch your passport’.  This is to make sure they have it with them.  One day we were in Paris, riding the Metro back to the hotel.  I was sitting next to one of my sons and several of the boys from our trip were standing, holding on to the strap on the ceiling.  There was a group of local teens on the train and everyone was conversing and having a great time.  One of our students, “Bob”, was standing next to me, deeply immersed in conversation with the French teens.  I noticed that he had on these baggy shorts with side pockets.  The opening to the pockets was stretched out in the shape of an oval.  I could actually see his wallet inside his pocket from where I was sitting.  I decided to pickpocket him to teach him a lesson.

As I reached across my son’s lap to get to Bob’s pocket, my son asked me what on earth I was doing.  When I told him, he said he might as well do it since he was closer.  This whole time Bob was chatting it up, flirting with the girls and trying to impress the boys.  My son reached over a few times before actually going in for the kill.  We were surprised when he came out with Bob’s passport instead of his wallet.  Better yet, I thought…

Not-a-one of the group saw any of this going on.  And might I add that my son was not all that inconspicuous.  In any case, I put his passport in with mine.  When we exited the train, as expected, I said to everyone, “Touch your passport.”  I made sure Bob heard me and watched him quickly tap his pants.   We made our way back to the hotel and we had about ½ hour before dinner.  Everyone went to their rooms to rest and freshen up.  I went up to my room and about 5 minutes later I heard a knock on my door.  It was Bob.

“Mrs. Haines, I think I lost my passport,” Bob said with a slight panic in his voice.

“C’mon Bob, you know not to fool around about that,” I replied.

“No really, I had it in my pocket and now it’s gone,” he added.

“Your pocket?  What do you mean?  Why wasn’t it in your passport holder?”  I was playing the part so well.  “Listen, go look in your suitcase.  Maybe you left it in your room.”

“I already tore my suitcase apart.  My clothes are all over the room.  It is not there,” Bob continued in a slightly whiny voice.

I let a few moments of silence go by.  “You know what I think happened?  I think you got pickpocketed on the Metro.  You were so busy chatting with the French kids and it was such a crowded train, I bet you were set up and someone pickpocketed you!” 

There was panic in his face because he knew that could very well have happened.  I continued,” Didn’t you touch your wallet when you got off the train?”

“I kind of felt my pocket but I guess I was feeling my wallet and not my passport,” he said softly.

“Bob, I really think someone pickpocketed you on the train,” I sighed heavily.  “You know why I think that so strongly?  Because Jonathan is the one who pickpocketed you and you made it so easy.”

There was a long blank stare on his face.  I slowly produced his passport from my pocket.  There was such a rush of relief that flowed through his veins, apparent from his expression.  He remained speechless as I gave him my little speech.  He was so grateful to have that passport back that he didn’t even seem to mind it.  Then off he went to share his good news with the others.

Ten minutes later there was another knock on my door.  It was Bob again.  “Mrs. Haines, I just wanted to thank you.  I realized it could have been a real pickpocketing and I got off easy.  Thank you for the lesson.” 

It is always so rewarding as a teacher when you teach a lesson and the student actually appreciates learning it.  The next morning as everyone was checking out of the hotel and boarding the bus, Bob came up to me and proudly showed me his passport holder under his shirt.  I didn’t have to worry about Bob’s nonchalance with his documents any more on that trip.

Coping with Rejection

No one likes to hear that 9-letter word, but rejection happens all the time.  It is a part of life.  Things don’t always go our way and the earlier in life we learn this, the more balanced and realistic we are when we have to deal with bigger disappointments.  Teaching children to cope with disappointment is a very important part of their education.

As parents we hate to see our child sad when their expectations or hopes are not realized.  This disappointment can start early on and lead to bigger disappointments.  Perhaps their friend does not want to sit with them on the bus or they aren’t invited to a friend’s sleepover party.  Maybe they didn’t get picked to be on the school newspaper or they didn’t make the jazz band. Maybe they didn't get chosen for a travel sports team or didn’t get voted club president.  Perhaps they didn’t get into the college they wanted to or didn’t pass their driving test the first time around.  How we teach our children to deal with these situations that cause disappointment is such an important part of helping them grow up.  Parents, teachers, and caregivers need to understand the importance of these lessons.

Sometimes parents protect their children too much, not from physical harm, but rather from learning to accept rejection or disappointing situations.  Children need to learn how to process disappointments, keep them in perspective, and move on.  Mommy and daddy are not helping them when they come running to their rescue all the time, which shields the child from learning how to cope with these situations. If adults don’t allow children to learn this, they will be faced with a high school aged child who can’t deal with bigger rejections and failures.  Parents can’t follow their children to college and continue to protect them when things don’t always go their way. A child needs a toolbox filled with coping strategies and we need to help them fill that box as they grow up.

Unfortunately, I have seen more than my share of high school parents being overly involved in overstepping their role trying to provide their child with what they feel is ‘right’ or ‘just’ or ‘fair’.  The problem is, at that age, it is the student who needs to be standing up for themselves, learning how to be a self-advocate, and learning how to cope with disappointing situations.  Didn’t get the lead role in the play?  Didn’t get the solo in the concert?  Didn’t get voted captain of the team?  Didn’t get an A in the course?  Let the student learn how to deal with these situations.  Adults should not be the ones taking charge of them. 

A student who has dealt with disappointments early on is much more equipped to deal with college roommates, schedule issues, or social situations that come up once they have left home.  Having prepared them to deal with how to handle disappointing situations and making decisions to move forward will be to their advantage once they are on their own.

I was fortunate enough to have had a situation early on that taught me this lesson.  When my son was in elementary school, I went to the principal with what I thought was an unfair situation involving someone taking my 8 year-old’s yo-yo.  The principal was courageous enough to tell me I had to let it go, even if it didn’t seen fair or right.  She also told me I needed to back off and let him fight his own battles.  She was right and I thank her for teaching me this lesson early on so that I could help him learn to fight his own battles and deal with unfair and disappointing situations as they arose.  

It is extremely hard to sit and watch our kids’ disappointment with various things as they grow up.  We need to help them fill that toolbox and take control of their lives.  In our case, our boys grew up to be extremely well adjusted independent young men.  They are able to cope with all sorts of situations.  We were always there to listen, talk, and share our suggestions and our love.  And we still are.  The beautiful thing is that they ask for our suggestions and opinions now that they are adults.  That toolbox can always use a little filling.

The Sense of Smell

People, plants, and animals have a sense of smell.  As crucial as it is for plants and animals, it is one of the less thought about senses for people.  It is not considered as important as seeing and hearing, which definitely does affect our lives the most.  But the sense of smell touches our lives more than we might think. 

Think of the memories you may have related to smell.  For example, I remember growing up and smelling the gravy cooking every Sunday in my grandma’s house.  That memory is more rooted to the smell than the taste.  Don’t get me wrong, it tasted delicious too, but it is the smell that I remember more than the taste.  Another smell I remember vividly is the toasting of Pop Tarts.  They were a favorite breakfast staple and snack in our house.  I can still smell the fruity strawberry goodness heating up in the toaster.  How about the smell of freshly baked cookies or other treats your mom made on a snow day?  The warmth of my memories is rooted in the smells.

Living in the Northeast, I enjoy four seasons.  OK, so maybe I really only enjoy three of them, but I experience the smells associated with the changing of all four.  Springtime excites us with the smell of sunshine, lilacs spraying their scent, organic smell of earthy soil, sweaty runners, leather from a baseball glove, a musty garage getting aired out, and Easter chocolates.  Summer satisfies our olfactory sense with freshly cut grass, chlorine splashing out of the pool, passing thunderstorms, fresh tomatoes growing in the garden, and luscious fresh berries.  Fall rolls around teasing us with the scent of dry fallen leaves, turkeys baking in the oven, crisp cool morning air, applesauce simmering on the stove, and pumpkin pie cooling off on the counter.  When winter rolls in, unwelcomed by some, it still arrives with some welcome smells such as fresh pine trees for the holiday, melting butter on steaming warm bread, beef stew simmering on the stove, and the smell of snow.  Yes, there is a definite smell to the air when snow is imminent.

Having a heightened sense of smell is also beneficial for safety reasons.  Being able to smell smoke or gas, for example, could be early warning signs of danger. Smoke detectors can also warn you of smoke, if you are indoors in a place that has one with a fresh battery.  But relying on your nose is best in this instance.  I consider my sense of smell to be very heightened.  One time I was home alone with our two young sons.  I smelled a distinct burning smell in one of the bedrooms but couldn’t identify what it was.  I turned off the lights, opened the windows, and called the non-emergency fire department phone number.  They sent a truck out without its blaring siren.  The two firefighters who arrived couldn’t smell anything.  They asked me to re-enact the scene exactly as it was when I smelled the odor.  I closed the windows, turned the lights back on, and the smell began to seep back. They still couldn’t smell it, but I finally waled over to where it was strongest and identified it as a ‘glow-in-the-dark’ plastic bug my son put on top of the lampshade to ‘energize’ it, but it had fallen to the top of the bulb itself and was melting on the bulb.  They were impressed with my sense of smell.

Another instance that shows my intense sensitivity to smell was one say when I smelled a skunk.  I left for work one morning and as I descended the stairs to the basement level of the house, I smelled a skunk.  I feared that one had somehow gotten in the house.  As I entered the garage and got into the car, the smell was stronger.  I began driving to work and when I got about half a mile down the road, I saw a dead skunk in the road. 

Interestingly, as sensitive as I am to smell, one of our sons is just the opposite; he can barely smell anything.  Regardless of how keen this sense is, it is one that we perhaps take for granted.  It can affect our mood, our memories, our safety, or our choices.  Although it may not be the most important sense, it sure is one I am glad I have.  I have to go take the chocolate chip cookies out of the oven now.  Do you smell them?

The nose knows more than you think.

Sharing

We learn from a young age to share.  We share our toys and the playground.  We share our names and our cars.  We share our bedrooms and our apartments.  We even share our birthdays.

By no means do I have a rare or unusual name, but it always seemed that I was the only Linda in the class or the only Linda at work.  On rare occasions I encountered another Linda, but there were never a ton of us.  As a teacher, I sometimes have had four kids with the same name in one class.  This means they become Matt D. or Matt P. or Matt B.  I like my name well enough, and I don’t mind sharing it, but it sure is nice that it is not super common.

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Sometimes we have to share transportation.  It may be that we share a car with a sibling, spouse, or child.  My younger son and I shared a car for a year or two when he was in high school.  The time of day we each needed it most did not overlap much.  Being flexible and considerate were important for making this arrangement work.  In the end, lots of money was saved.  Siblings often have to share a car and a schedule has to be worked out.  Cooperation and compromise are key factors in successful sharing.

What about space?  I shared a bedroom with my sister growing up.  It never dawned on me to complain because I loved my sister and I loved our bedroom.  Besides, it could not be any other way in a 3-bedroom house with 4 kids.  Roommates share dorm rooms and apartments all the time.  Now this is a tough one.  Two strangers are thrown together in the hopes that they live in harmony or at least give it the old college try.  It would be interesting to know what percentage of such arrangements is viewed as successful.  Roommates can be flaky and selfish and not good at sharing.   Then again, other roommates might go on to be life-long friends.

Birthdays are shared all the time too.  Let’s face it; there are only 366 days in the year, so there are lots of people who we all have to share our birthday with.  My husband actually has a Leap Year birthday, so I guess he shares his birthday with less people.  It used to be that I only knew of celebrities who shared my birthday because you could look that up or hear it on the news.  But thanks to Facebook and other ways of connecting and sharing information such as birthdays, I now know four other people who share my birthday.  So this blog is dedicated to them and to anyone reading this who has a February 3^rd birthday.  I would like to wish them a very happy birthday today as we share our special day and as I celebrate my double nickel birthday.

Here I am in the center wearing a tiarra, celebrating what looks like my 7th or 8th birthday.

Maps

How do you usually get from Point A to Point B?  It used to be that paper maps were the only tools to use.  Then in the 1980s, the GPS system was made available for public use.  Online maps entered the picture with software like MapQuest and Google Earth.  Some people think paper maps are on the way out, but I think they are here to stay.

Knowing how to read a map is a basic skill that some people are not very good at.  Reading the key, understanding scale, and using a compass rose are a few skills that children learn in school.  But like anything else, if these skills are not exercised, they will atrophy. 

I am a map person.  I love looking at maps.  Anytime I am on a long car trip, I take out one of our atlases and pick a state.  I start looking at different places where I have been, which roads were taken, and places I have seen.  One time I started up a conversation about Arizona with my husband, asking him a question about which road we took to one of the monuments.  Then I was quiet for a while, and when he asked me a follow up question, I replied that I was already finished looking at Arizona, had been to Oregon, and was currently on Florida.  That’s how it works.  I look, follow roads, or places, reminisce, dream, and plan. 

This fascination with maps started when I was young and loved to travel.  Like many students today, I drove to Florida for spring break, spent a semester studying abroad in Europe, and took vacations with family and friends.  When I took my first cross-country trip at the age of 25, I was moving from New York to California.  That is when I joined AAA, aka map heaven.  Their membership fee includes access to any and all maps that you need.  They helped me plan my route and gave me maps of all the states I would be traveling through.  I enjoyed studying those maps and counting down the days before the trip.

Nowadays I also use online maps, such as Google Earth, especially when dreaming about or planning a vacation.  Sometimes a paper map makes sense, but its online counterpart quickly converts distances for you and gives you up to the minute updates. With Google Earth you can actually see the road you will be driving on or catch a glimpse of the outside of a building from the road.  It can give you a real feel for the neighborhood, which may not always be the same picture that a hotel’s brochure paints.  

I passed some of this love for maps on to our older son.  His passion for maps started at a young age with his US map puzzle.  When he was a little older, he got the new updated U. S. atlas every year for Christmas.  Why a new one each year?  Because of all the changes to the highway system of course!  His interest in and aptitude for geography and maps is enviable.  Rarely will I question his choice of route anymore.  One year his aunt asked if she should get him a GPS for his birthday.  It was a thoughtful and generous offer, but he did not want any part of a GPS.  For him, reading the map and figuring out the route was the best part.

GPSs have a place in this world, that’s for sure.  If you read my blog about getting lost one afternoon while driving in Italy, you will see how it came to our rescue.  But for the most part, I still prefer using maps and figuring out my route.  I don’t think paper maps will ever totally be replaced, even with the nice voices on the GPS systems.

Because of my love for maps, this creation I made was a lot of work, but a lot of fun.  I started with a map of the US, courtesy of AAA, then printed license plates on high quality photo paper, cut them out in the shape of the states, and had it professionally framed.  I have seen them made with real license plates for thousands of dollars.

The Thank You

When was the last time you wrote a thank you letter?  I mean the kind where you handwrite your thoughts, address an envelope and bring it to the post office for a snail mail experience?  Granted, there are other ways to thank someone for a gift, a gesture, a party, or even just for being a friend.  Let’s take a look in to the ‘world of thanks’.

First of all, there is a verbal thank you.  This generally happens right on the spot.  You open a gift and say thanks.  You leave a party expressing a huge thank you to the host.  You verbally thank people all the time during the day, many times instinctively.  Maybe someone held the door open for you or complimented you.  A verbal thank you is nice, appreciated, appropriate, and easy to give.  It is the basis for good manners and shows good character.

Taking the thank you up a notch would be texting/tweeting/Facebooking/emailing a thank you to someone.  This takes a little more time and thought, and like the verbal thank you, it costs you nothing.  Unlike the verbal thank you, there is physical evidence of the thank you taking place, not that you really need this though.  You can re-read it if you like, and can be deleted, but it is there.  It is possible the thank you could be made publicly too, as with Facebook. 

A phone call can also follow a verbal thank you.  Going the extra step of making a call allows you to reflect more on the gift, event, or gesture while reiterating your gratitude.  Let’s face it, we are all busy and finding time to make a call is not always easy, which is why texting has become so popular.  But taking the time to make the call and investing in a few minutes of talk time to thank someone is an appreciated gesture that goes a long way.

Topping off the thank you effort, in my opinion, is thank you correspondence.  This takes the most thought, time, and expense.  You have to buy a thank you card, or have some sort of stationery on hand.  You have to put your handwritten thoughts down on paper, which for some people is difficult.  You have to know or look up the person’s mailing address, and also have stamps on hand to mail it.  If not, it also requires a trip to the post office.  None of these are difficult or really very costly, especially if you are prepared with the materials or if you are willing to make the effort.  When a thank you card appears in someone’s mailbox, it is a special surprise, surrounded by the umpteenth VISA application and catalogue you did not request.  The card can be read over again, saved, and treasured.

Those of us who were brought up writing thank yous are more apt to be still writing them. We have trained our children to write them and nag them until they do.  We may be a little critical of those who do not acknowledge a gift with some sort of thank you.  For us, it is good manners.   Heck, my mother still mails me thank yous for gifts I give her; even though she also gave the verbal thanks (several times) and the phone call thanks.

We often host parties and always get plenty of verbal and even follow up email thanks.  But we have also been pleasantly surprised when receive occasional thank you cards in the mail afterwards.  It actually gives us something to pause for while sifting through the mail, delaying opening the bills.  I keep the cards, which provide nice smiles and memories each time I re-read them.  The thoughtful act is much appreciated.

As a teacher, I often get gifts from students.  You bet your bottom dollar that each and every child gets a handwritten thank you from me.  Not only do I want to thank them for thinking of me, I also want to model good etiquette.

In the end, nice gestures need to be recognized, but the written thank you seems to be disappearing.  I say let’s all rally to keep it alive.

 

P.S. - Thank you for reading my blog!